* Take a Peek Inside*

12:41 pm - Just wanted to let everyone know real quick!

Current Mood: worked out today!

08:47 pm

Just a quick update of my most favorite days approaching!

Ive moved into my new house and its just a damn blast! i have the greatest roomates and a new addition with k*schu living here also! things seem to be going well. glad to be away from Privet Drive(you would only understand if you are psycho HARRY POTTER lover like me). THank god my girl jen FINALLY came to WMU or else i would be lost as of now! i love you so much girl you are the shiiit...some would venture to say we have a GOOOOOOOD time together. anyway, things are good come visit and keep in touch! muah


love life and live it up!
Tara

Current Mood: curious

01:03 pm - work...gay

So...i hate writing in this thing but really i'm that bored. i'm at work right not (benesys) not my usal nanny job. so whatever i come here and make 11.50 an hour i'm not complaining but seriously i like to get work done. i'm 20 years old i know how to do shit and i wanna work and feel like i accomplish something. but this place is seriously so stupid. alright i am a Nanny for the person who OWNS this company and they all know it, so they all suck up to me. well today i need to be loged into the computer and they just arn't getting around to getting MY name on there. so basically i've been sitting here all day looking at death files and finding it interesting as to how different people die, how old they were, where they are from, blah blah blah....all my CSI watching is actually coming in handy. anyway what these stupid fucks don't realize is that i can get them fired in like 2 seconds. if i were to tell George-the guy i nanny for and owns the company and is my dads best friend- that i sat around all day and they didn't get my shit ready hed be soooo pissed. so whatever i'm annoyed because i started these projects and i wanna finish them but i need to be on the computer to do that. ARGH i'm soo mad really.

but besides that shit...some funny things have been happening lately...meeting new people hanging out with my girls and david and just doin whatever. its been a pretty chill summer..which is really what i wanted. the walk is over with now, its kinda sad because it means so much to me and its just over in 3 days like that after like months and months of doing stuff for it. my speech went well i think, for the most part. it was actually really hard to do it btu i managed with just a few tears in my eye. but yeah thats over so basically i'm going up north is all thats next. gettin paid for that so i'm excited. hopefully i'll save a shit load of money this summer and be able to make my house soo cute.

this week is MEGS BIRTHDAY WEEK...so i've been reminded twice today at work. which means she expects and it probably will happen that i spoil her all week. yeah i'm a good friend. ya'll dont' knowabout this cause you guys just fuck me over all the time! hahaha. anyway, thats happening and thursday is the real birthday blow out so just wait ok. 19 and older are invited...butthats about it. finally a night with out the 2 year olds...minus a few that i actually care for.

well i'm gonna go punch back in and do some more death profiling. AWESOME...drop me a line or an e-mail ( livalilwmu2@hotmail.com) i'm seriously sooo bored.

check ya lata
Tara


ps i love you lauren bogues....you my GURL!

Current Mood: stupid work

01:04 am

i played with my friend tonight...we have good times! thank you! i am HAPPY!

10:31 am - Insomnia

It's really bad right now...i can't sleep and i can't eat. i think maybe i just over slept all day yesterday considering i did not get out of bed really at all because i'm a lazy ass. i really hate it because thats not how i am i like to always be on the go and gettin shit done but lately i just couldn't do it.

i can't stop thinking about the decisions i've made lately. they are big ones to me and i am not sure if they are the right ones, if i'm really happy with what i'm doing right now, so basically i'm driving myself insane.

i also just really wanna go home and see my family and WU and make things all better with some other people. i miss just relaxing with my girl and being stupid and eating TB...but we don't eat TB anymore cause we diet! but yeah i do get to go home next weekend, hang out, make some money and then come back for my last 3 weeks of school. i think my mommy is gonna come visit me during that time like right before i leave to come back home shes going to stay a night with me so we can do mommmy/Tara stuff. i just have to convince her that big girls can drive alone. she gets scurred!

well i'm up really early obsessing over some things...maybe i'll clean my room since i just threw shit everywhere when i was drunk on friday...o well!

well hope everyone is having a good summer...congrats to the call of 05! high school sucks!

peace
Tara

Current Mood: why?

08:18 pm

I will not subject myself to this anymore....
I really was feeling happy!

Family life is seriously at its 100% peak in my life right now! i love my mom more than i honestly ever have probably since i was a lil girl. she is my best friend lately and instead of never wanting to talk to her i can't get enough of it. and now she never calls me because i'm always annoying her by calling her too much. funny how that works out huh? but even though i still love her so much and she makes me so damn happy well and mad too i will never stop loving her. and my dad hes just my dad and we all know that he's hilarious. but my parents are in MEXICO right now so i do kinda hate them...bitches! but seriously if you don't have family and you don't know about family you don't know about life...soo if you have the oppertunity..get with it!

thats probably the only thing going well right now!

I have so many things to look forward to actually. and honestly they do seem so far away but at least i have them

i need to learn to let go of things that i know are not good for me. i know that these relationships that i do have with few people are not good in anyway. really by no means should they even be called relationships because they are nothing but hurt and fake laughter. i want something that is real, that i don't have to try so hard to accomplish that i don't have to hide..that is close to me...that makes me smile..that gives me butterflies...that takes my breath away. i lost all that because its all so far away. conflicting personalities, life styles, secrets, pasts....it all adds up until you are strong enough to put it behind you and lets be honet i'm not strong enough...not yet.

I have very few people in my life that i do trust. i really don't know who they are without thinking long and hard about it. i know i have done a million things wrong in my life and i have never been perfect and i never will be but i want things to start making sence. i want things to fall into place. i'm going to be 21 sooner than is believable and i want to have things together. i hate to say it because i do love him so much but i do not want to be my brother...i don't want to ever live at my house again for more than a year, i want to be strong and independent i want to have luxeries but i want to make them myself. i do have goals.

I don't even want to be in life right now...i don't want to have to worry about making other people fall in love with me either...because yo uknow what it'll all happen when its good and ready..i'm done forcing shit, thats pointless, because thats not mean to be...we all should learn how to do that!

i'm raging right now..i rage when i get off the phone with WU because she makes me think of so many things without even talking about them. but i love her!
I love my friends. i do and it makes me so sad to think i probably don't tell them enough because i'm a soft ass. i cry about my friends a lot because i feel like they sometimes don't have enough people in their lives telling them how good they are doing with life and with their goals. i hope that all my friends know they can come to me for anything on anyday at anytime. i would NEVER turn away anyone who needed to talk or a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with. people may think i'm a bitch sometimes or i do this wrong or that but hey look in the mirror are you perfect do you think that people feel that way about you sometimes too...yes, so don't always go pointing fingers at other people. life is short...take it in and let it out its not worth being so hung up over because in the end when were all together it doesn't matter! its true, i hope everyone knows that they are special that they mean something to me and that not matter what i will always care about them...through all the shit talk...backstabbing...lying...EVERYTHING i will always be here!
5200 Croyden Ave. apt#3203a Kalamazoo Mi 49009

if you need me thats how you can find me!

i want to be happy and i want to be driven and i want to make things happen. i know how to do these things believe it or not and i'm about to show you how its done!

wow oh wow...i did just go crazy but thats who i am, i'm crazy and i'm crazy in love with life and being alive and just having fun. so fuck all you serious, intense, nasasistic people...you are just weighing me down and holding youself back from being happy. do it on your own time....cause baby....YOU AIN'T SWEET!

peace out mother fuckers!


Tara


ps...to you crazy ass few that like to read this and think its all about YOU..news flash it isn't....its my journal its about me...so go cry to someone else!

Current Mood: crazy

11:42 pm

baby you.....


everyone just needs to beat the shit out of their pillow! trust me things are great and i will make it just fine. i love my baby so much and my friends are the damn best thing ever.

i have nothing to say about life because i just need to get through it..HAWAII is always there!

thank you mommy and daddy for having rich ass friends!

so yeah...i'm just so glad i didn't fall for the bullshit this time...i stood my ground! BACK OFF ASSHOLES!

love you much babes
Tara

Current Mood: crazy

11:35 pm

05:40 pm

Everything is what it is...people say its always something different...it isn't what it seems... NO plain and simple its what it is! if you look at something through clear eyes you will see that there is nothing to hide that it is right there in front of you and it probably won't ever change.

 * I made cupcakes today with Kaitlin and i just ate the shit out of the batter! SOOO yummy i'm such a heffer! *

I went home this weekend and it was pretty good...i got to see MEG PIE and BONES and ERIC and DADDY  and lots of other important people. i'm glad i really only hung out with the ones that matter...i'm done going home and seeing people that just shit on me! done with it!

i'm so caught up in trying to make everything work out for the better that i forget i can't have it all. i need to figure out really whats more important...whos more important and what i want to do about it. i've been striving for happiness for so long and for some reason i always look to other people to make me that way, espically one inperticular, i realize i can't do that, but i can't stop either. someone help me please! I ANNOY MYSE:LF SO I SLEEP!

I got 2 new fish today, after i had 2 other ones that Brenda sent to the toilet bowl, it was an untimely death..no hard feelings B! haha so i got her one big goldfish she named gay sam! and then i got 2 lil ones and i named them stash (cause he has a lil black line around his top lip) and the other one Beauty(like black beauty cause its a black goldfish..weird....and we call him NIG for short) well we called him that until i just looked up at him and he has decided to pass away on me...damn walmart fish! haha but i still have Larz my frog and hes going strong...i think he needs  a friend though! well just wanted to update you on my animal kingdom! take care

back to RO this weekend for the BC stuff...hope i don't see anyone! :)

love always

MUAH!

Current Mood: hehehe

06:46 pm

hahah I just looked at my last entry and it cracks me up! I most certinly would not have put that name in there again...well maybe...who knows right...cause do i ever know what i want...NO!

I know that the only things i care about right now are school, my family, a handful of my friends, and my involvment with the 3-day! To everything and everyone else i say FUCK OFF! I am happy being me and i know who i am and what i want and if you can't face that then take a hike. i won't miss you buddy! (thats just in general so all you freaks that read this...it isn't to ANYONE inperticular)

well....besides that nonsense i have started school agian..awesome i know, but its only 7 weeks and i'm pretty sure it will go by fast but no skipping class which is going to be unusual to me. so then after these 7 weeks i am going to head home and start rollin in the $$$$$...maybe i can even roll in it literally. hahah i'm jking. so yeah i have this babysitting(nanny) job where i will be babysitting 3 days a week for 6 hours at 10 dollars an hour plus extra if i clean up around the house..then every other sat night i babysit for at least 7 hours. On top of that nice lil schedule that gives me just enough time to get a second job...i will be going to cali, hawaii and up north to lake charlavoix with this family...mind you i'm only babysitting for 1 boy who is only a year old! REAL HARD! that and hopefully one more job will help me with my money issues and prepare me for next year...and movin on with me life. soo..i finally have a countdown
7 months: Hawaii
9 months: 21st birthday
10 months: Cruise for 21st birthday!
BOOOOYAAAAAAA!!!!!

im very scatter brained today just thinking about everything..feeling a lil touchy about some things and very annoyed by some people. i wish i could walk away from so many situations but to your disbeliefe i'm not as strong as you may think i am. i wish i was better at this. well not much to say..i think im going to TRY and update more..not like i have a sweet life or anything but we'll see.

off to work out this fat ass!
peace bitches!

Current Mood: jubilant